1
00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:03,971
Okay, Max.

2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,444
How would you describe
our apartment?

3
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:07,108
And I've already ruled out

4
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:10,411
"worse than that girl-pit
in silence of the lambs."

5
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:14,082
Well, at least she had some
silence once in awhile.

6
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,984
Look, no one's gonna pay money
to rent this dump.

7
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,253
We haven't in six months.

8
00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:22,090
Everyone else in williamsburg
is making money

9
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,458
renting their crappy places
on airbnb.

10
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,926
It's all how you describe it.

11
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:29,163
So let's start lying.

12
00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:33,167
This is a fantastic idea
and i really want to do this.

13
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,603
First question:
"Describe your neighborhood."

14
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:39,607
Run-down with a bunch of rats.

15
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:44,812
Old-world charm.
Pet-friendly.

16
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,647
"What type of people
live there?"

17
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,750
Junkies, whores, homeless.

18
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,786
Actors.

19
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,155
"Do you have a hot tub?"

20
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:57,158
Sometimes.

21
00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:58,159
"Gym?"

22
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,494
Two.
Gay Jim upstairs,

23
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:01,829
and straight Jim across the hall

24
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:04,232
who's only gay when he's drunk.

25
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,234
"When is your space available?

26
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:07,801
Always, sometimes, one time."

27
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,937
Oh, just like our sex lives.

28
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,039
Always for me,
sometimes out of boredom,

29
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,276
and one time for you.

30
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,211
(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

31
00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:19,046
[cash register bell dings]

32
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:23,751
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *

33
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:30,358
Earl, guess what Max and i did.

34
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:31,859
I know what you didn't do.

35
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:34,795
Clean this dessert carousel.

36
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:38,166
There's a Napoleon in here
since Napoleon.

37
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,734
We rented our apartment
on airbnb.

38
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,404
You rented to arabs?

39
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:46,474
Well, good luck getting it back.

40
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:49,810
They tend to be
a tad territorial.

41
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:53,113
Airbnb is an agency
that rents to out-of-towners

42
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:56,250
and I'm guessing local men
cheating on their wives.

43
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:57,951
Well, i did it.

44
00:01:57,985 --> 00:01:59,353
I know.

45
00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:02,323
When you were 18
with prince Harry.

46
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,525
Or so you say.

47
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:06,360
We have three offers
for our apartment.

48
00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:07,528
How?

49
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:08,662
Let me rephrase that.

50
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:11,165
How!

51
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,334
I found the perfect sales pitch.

52
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:16,670
"Stay at the place
where dreams die"?

53
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:19,607
"Have the authentic
williamsburg experience."

54
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,775
Oh, you mean getting clumsily
felt up

55
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:25,179
by a guy who looks like he came
from the gold rush?

56
00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:26,880
Anyone can stay at a hotel.

57
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:29,217
But how often can you say
you went to New York

58
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:33,153
and stayed at a "Brooklyn
bohemian barn apartment

59
00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:35,856
with a live-in horse"?

60
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,791
Girl, you are good.

61
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,694
So now we just have to pick
who gets our apartment.

62
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,130
A guy looking to get away
from it all.

63
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,166
That's a suicide.

64
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,935
You're right.
We lie, they lie.

65
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,604
Um, a married couple
looking to reconnect.

66
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:54,141
Murder-suicide.

67
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,176
And finally, a girls' getaway
weekend

68
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,811
for some fashion model friends.

69
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,614
A couple of chubby girls
looking to murder

70
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:03,951
some pints of Ben and Jerry's.

71
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,362
With maybe a sui-side
of Mac and cheese.

72
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:09,990
Hey, everybody.

73
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:15,929
Yeah, the temperature
be droppin'

74
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:19,132
and the bitches be nippin'.

75
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,401
I need a hot chocolate.

76
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:23,971
I'm right, Sophie.

77
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,439
And I'm right here, Earl.

78
00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:27,140
I mean, i get it,

79
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:30,143
but bro code, man.

80
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:32,580
Well, big news.

81
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,982
I'm going on a trip.

82
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:37,985
Mushrooms or acid?

83
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,988
I'm going to Vermont!

84
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,856
Oh, you're gonna be gone?

85
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,434
Would you mind letting us stay
upstairs at your place?

86
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:45,859
We're renting out our apartment.

87
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:48,195
You're renting out that dump?

88
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:53,367
Oh, are they filming
survivor at your place?

89
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,442
[Coughing]

90
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,444
So when are these losers
arriving?

91
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,145
They're not losers.

92
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,823
They're just girls paying us
to have a fun weekend

93
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,749
in our apartment.

94
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,084
What losers!

95
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,986
[Knock at door]

96
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,423
Now that is a hand
that's scooped some ice cream.

97
00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:24,465
Hi, are you Caroline?

98
00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:27,100
Oh, my god.
They really are models.

99
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,101
Hi, I'm Lily.

100
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:31,739
Oh shoot, now I'm gay.

101
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,907
Lily?
As in Lily aldridge?

102
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,309
And I'm Martha.

103
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,144
Hunt?
Martha hunt and Lily aldridge?

104
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:38,221
Max, do you know who they are?

105
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:39,780
Sure do.

106
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:44,818
This one is the girl
that i leave this one for.

107
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:47,655
No, Max, they're all
Victoria's secret models.

108
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,098
Yeah, we all wanted to hang out
in New York

109
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,558
before we leave for London.

110
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,460
We're doing a fashion show
there.

111
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,829
I worked at the Victoria's
secret at the mall for one day.

112
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:59,667
Got fired for eating
panda express over the thongs.

113
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:00,734
This is Max.
I'm Caroline.

114
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,803
I used to be rich.

115
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:06,006
I just felt like i needed
to say that.

116
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:09,309
And these are our friends,
Petra, Gabriella, and rina.

117
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,579
(All three)
Hi.

118
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:15,783
What are the odds you're all
named after Columbus's ships.

119
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:20,388
Come in. Welcome to
"the williamsburg experience."

120
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,890
It's bigger than it looks
in the photo.

121
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:25,559
Well, i shaved of a couple
of inches for the photo.

122
00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:28,261
You know the drill.

123
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:30,263
So why the hell are you staying
here?

124
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:34,535
Is this training
for when your looks run out?

125
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,970
Oh, look.
The kitchen is so cute!

126
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:41,909
Question: How do you walk
the runway blind?

127
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,387
It's just that we stay
at the same four seasons

128
00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:45,212
all the time.

129
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,781
Well, you will experience
at least two seasons here,

130
00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:50,918
'cause the thermostat's broken.

131
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:54,154
It's 40 outside and 100 in here.

132
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,157
So as advertised,
this is our sauna.

133
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,159
And our bohemian barn's
right out that door.

134
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:03,597
Just follow
the temperature drop.

135
00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:06,467
Max, super models are staying
at our apartment.

136
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:10,137
It's so exciting,
i want to tell all my friends.

137
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:15,943
I guess i just did.

138
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,611
I see you met Chestnut.

139
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:20,581
That's his real mane,
not extensions.

140
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,650
Also per our ad,
a charming skylight.

141
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,217
In case you want to sit under
the stars

142
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:28,589
and have a little peace
and quiet.

143
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,591
Hey, girls!

144
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,025
Come up already.

145
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,628
I want to get
to my college reunion.

146
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:38,131
Can you believe
it's been 10 years?

147
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,399
Wow, time sure does lie...

148
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:42,536
I mean, fly.

149
00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:44,337
(Martha)
You talk to your neighbors?

150
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:46,382
I talked to my neighbor once
and the next thing you know,

151
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,951
i have this long letter
from Naomi watts

152
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:51,612
saying, "leave my husband
alone."

153
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,848
So we've known each other
like five minutes already.

154
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,617
Where's my free bra?

155
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,562
I mean, all that's left
of this one is the frames.

156
00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:00,466
Trust me, it's like
a burlesque show under here.

157
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,463
Sophie's apartment is amazing.

158
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:15,102
It looks like an easter bunny
banged a golden girl.

159
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,037
That was some showerhead.

160
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,807
I'd marry it,
but it's already attached...

161
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,441
To the wall.

162
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:30,618
Max?

163
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,686
Here!

164
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,588
Oh, this bed is like being
in the womb

165
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:38,225
without all the second-hand
smoke.

166
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,693
Martha and Lily
were super-sweet.

167
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:42,830
So exciting to be back
hanging with celebrities.

168
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,432
Yeah and maybe now you can get
a new celebrity story.

169
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,276
I was getting really tired
of hearing how someone thought

170
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,437
you were Gwyneth Paltrow
from behind.

171
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,773
Still flattering.

172
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,508
[Laughter]

173
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,011
Laughter?

174
00:07:58,045 --> 00:07:59,880
Coming from our apartment?

175
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,715
What do you think
they're laughing at?

176
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:05,285
Probably found our account
balance on an atm slip.

177
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,820
I bet Martha said something
funny.

178
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,689
She's hilarious.

179
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:09,866
You know, for someone who's
so pretty,

180
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:12,259
she never had to develop
a personality.

181
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,762
I'm gonna go see.

182
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:16,530
Max, give me a shove.

183
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:21,769
This is good practice
for the eventual cliff.

184
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:24,471
[Indistinct chatter]

185
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,277
(Lily)
Beers and wings.

186
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,912
(Martha)
Beers and wings.

187
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,947
Now it's a party.

188
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:36,283
Max, you know how when it gets
hot down there,

189
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:40,921
we just sit, sweat,
and point the fan at our junk?

190
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,523
They do it a little differently.

191
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,058
They are dancing
in their underwear,

192
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:46,760
drinking beers.

193
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:52,465
So? The guy on the corner
does that all the time.

194
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:55,168
[Models toasting beers]

195
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:03,010
I can't take my eyes
off those beers.

196
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:07,414
(Lily)
Hey! Hi, you guys.

197
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:10,017
(Caroline)
Great, now we're Justin bieber!

198
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,561
(Lily)
You wanna come down,
and have some beers,

199
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,386
and cool off?

200
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,255
Be right down!

201
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:19,126
Now i wish i had those wings,
i could get down there faster.

202
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,669
Okay. So what is this big news?

203
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,370
Did the health inspector
find out

204
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:34,808
that the imitation crab meat
is cat?

205
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,576
Technically, it's imitation cat,

206
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,145
but that's not what
we're announcing.

207
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,013
I'm here.

208
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:41,725
And make this snappy.
I'm in the middle of something.

209
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:45,052
Puberty?

210
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,587
No. I was on a call
with Ripley's believe it or not

211
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:50,223
to inform them that you still
work here.

212
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,592
And they didn't believe it.

213
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:55,162
Okay. We have some friends
coming in for a meal

214
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:58,331
and we don't want you guys
to embarrass us and overreact.

215
00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:00,333
Darlin', i don't overreact.

216
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,970
I'm 70-something years old
with a history of heart trouble.

217
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:06,139
I keep it in check.

218
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:09,476
Hey, Max!

219
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:14,347
And i keep my heart pills
in my pocket.

220
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,616
Excuse me,
much as i enjoy the view,

221
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,819
i really want that
"100th birthday" shout out

222
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,520
from al roker.

223
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:26,326
Yes, they're Victoria's secret
models and our friends.

224
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:29,496
Last night we all stayed up late
trashing Kate moss.

225
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,498
Models in my diner!

226
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:35,202
Oh, no.
I wore the wrong sweater vest.

227
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:39,006
You also wore the wrong face,
body, and personality.

228
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,307
Max, let's go say hi.

229
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,308
How do i look?

230
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,243
Like a waitress.

231
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:47,514
Damn it, it's the waitress
uniform, isn't it?

232
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:48,816
What's up, homies?

233
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:49,817
What's up, homie?

234
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,819
I love my life again.

235
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,362
Well, it's been a whole day
since we met,

236
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:54,587
so where's that free bra?

237
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,456
Max!

238
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,424
What? This one's
on it's last legs.

239
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,392
Last night i heard it coughing.

240
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,028
Could also use some new
underwear.

241
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,296
Mine are running on fumes.

242
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,865
I just texted David.

243
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,466
He's coming.

244
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,601
This is going to be
an amazing party.

245
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:09,803
Party?
Yeah.

246
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,138
We're having some friends over.

247
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,139
Cool.

248
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,875
Yeah?
Yeah.

249
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,945
And like Max said, "cool!"

250
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:19,546
Jeez, pull it back.

251
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:20,724
You're acting needier
than Sofia vergara

252
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:24,718
on a red carpet.

253
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,286
Big fan.

254
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,956
Big, big fan.

255
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,557
Compliments of the chef.

256
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:33,560
My specialty, popsicles.

257
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,996
I find they taste best
when sucked slowly,

258
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:39,332
using plenty of tongue,
facing the kitchen.

259
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,607
I can't believe
we're not invited

260
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:48,885
to the biggest party
in our apartment

261
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:51,979
since those ants found
your jelly beans.

262
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:54,214
Yoo-hoo!

263
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,384
Hi, so we're just up here
hangin' out.

264
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,920
Doin' our thang.

265
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,755
(Lily)
Oh, sorry, girl.
Did we wake you?

266
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:06,293
Go back to sleep.

267
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:07,761
"Go back to sleep"?

268
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:09,396
Why does she think
we're so lame?

269
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,331
Um, i don't know.

270
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:13,009
Maybe it's 'cause you're
throwing around words

271
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:17,137
like "yoo-hoo" and "thang,"
like a mom bringing cheetos

272
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,406
down to a slumber party.

273
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:20,941
This is your fault.

274
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,685
They were obsessed with us
until you started asking

275
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:28,448
for bras like some bra-less
homeless person.

276
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,951
We're never gonna sleep
with all that music.

277
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,120
Check the drawer,
Sophie must have ear plugs.

278
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:37,424
I mean, she lives upstairs
from you.

279
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,660
I found plugs, but i don't think
they're for your ears.

280
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,267
It's fine, we'll just pop
downstairs and say hello.

281
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,269
Fashion's my scene.

282
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,905
Know what I'm seeing?
That price tag.

283
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,674
Oh, tuck it back in,
i have to return it.

284
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:56,576
Okay.
Remember our deal.

285
00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:01,081
I got up and got dressed
so you're my slave for life.

286
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,050
Oh, hi, girls.

287
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:06,419
I thought you were the man
with the Greek food.

288
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:10,257
Wow, i have definitely got to
start waxing my upper lip more.

289
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,359
Sophie, why aren't you
in Vermont?

290
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,594
Oh, i lied.

291
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,363
I didn't go to Vermont.

292
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:20,400
I mean, it's far
and I'm not a lesbian.

293
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:23,070
No, i stayed in town
to spy on Oleg.

294
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,580
I mean, i know you girls think
that I'm perfect,

295
00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:28,375
but i have trust issues.

296
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:29,843
Well then, whose apartment
is that?

297
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,578
I'm staying at Jim's.

298
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:33,013
Straight Jim's or gay Jim's?

299
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:36,917
Sophie, you forgot your purse.

300
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:39,052
Oh, i think this is mine.

301
00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:41,621
Just kidding, it's yours.

302
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:45,158
What's up, salt n' pepa?

303
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:48,528
(Both)
Gay Jim's.

304
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:52,799
Oh, girls, please don't tell
Oleg that I'm here.

305
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,467
You know, I've been following
him around

306
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,603
to see what he would do
if i was not in town.

307
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,438
And so far, you know,
he's been cool.

308
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,807
But you know the old saying:

309
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,543
"Cheat on me once, shame on you.

310
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:08,548
Cheat on me twice,
your balls are in a jar."

311
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,786
Oh, my god! There's a man
standing in our doorway.

312
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,855
I have a doorman again.

313
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,133
Weird to see a man
standing in our doorway

314
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,926
without a warrant,
an eviction notice,

315
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,693
or a Bible.

316
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,729
Excuse me, this is our
apartment.

317
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,231
Yeah, we live here all the time.

318
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:25,698
No biggie.

319
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:29,702
No biggie, and no electricity,
no lease-y.

320
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,171
Hi, I'm Caroline.
This is Max.

321
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,405
We live here.

322
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,341
Not according to the list.

323
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,876
Sir, look, we do live her.
I have a key.

324
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:39,379
The key is to be on the list,
which you are not.

325
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:42,382
Okay, i can prove we live here.

326
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,052
Go over to the window,
kick the side of radiator,

327
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,087
a panel will open up.

328
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,023
You'll find a half-smoked joint
and another half-smoked joint.

329
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,524
Proving...

330
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,193
What? That you're a poor
pot head?

331
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,128
This is crazy.

332
00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:56,439
I can't believe I'm begging
to get into a place

333
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:57,673
I've been trying to get out of.

334
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:58,807
It's a very exclusive party.

335
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,200
It's a dump.

336
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,602
I should know.
I live here.

337
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:10,477
(Caroline)
This night couldn't get any
worse.

338
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,312
Turn that light off.

339
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,856
I'm watching the Victoria's
secret super model party

340
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,549
with my night vision goggles.

341
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,851
And updating.

342
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,753
Oleg, how did you get in here?

343
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:21,989
How do you think?

344
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,166
It's my girlfriend's apartment.

345
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:25,925
I broke in.

346
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:28,595
Yes, Oleg, it's your
girlfriend's apartment

347
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,330
where you're sitting
in the dark,

348
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,408
watching models out the window
with night vision goggles.

349
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,268
Hey!
My pants are on!

350
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:38,071
No, they are not!

351
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,906
Not my fault.

352
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,075
Five Victoria's secret
super models downstairs?

353
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,711
They took themselves off.

354
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,547
So what are you saying?
You're the victim here?

355
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:48,891
What would Sophie say
if she came home

356
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:50,417
and saw you sitting here?

357
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:53,486
She'd say,
"stop hogging the goggles."

358
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,655
Oleg, let me just say this:

359
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,890
Vermont is closer than you
think.

360
00:15:57,924 --> 00:15:59,592
I don't know where
this argument is going,

361
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,661
but I'm going to that damn
supermodel party.

362
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:05,332
Oleg, it's late, I'm gonna
lay this on the line for you.

363
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,000
You're no George Clooney.

364
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:10,137
You're not even George Costanza.

365
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,904
These sheets are amazing

366
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:14,574
and you are never gonna do
better than Sophie.

367
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:19,212
She is hot and clearly
has no sense of smell.

368
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:20,213
I love Sophie.

369
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:24,351
I'll go home.

370
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:25,861
On second thought,
i don't trust myself

371
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,254
to walk by your apartment.

372
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:30,057
Better lock me in here.

373
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:33,126
(Lily)
Caroline! Max!
Come down here! Hurry!

374
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,394
I knew it! See, Max?

375
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,504
They're begging us to come.

376
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:36,963
I'm back again.

377
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,331
Are you coming?

378
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,832
Oh, let me think.

379
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:41,210
Downstairs with an open bar
or up here,

380
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:44,337
alone, with Oleg
in his tighty-not-that-whities?

381
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,409
Should we tie you up?

382
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:52,879
No, it'll just make me hornier.

383
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,429
I knew they wanted us
to come to the party!

384
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:01,854
How could they not?

385
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:03,723
Last night i taught
Petra how to eat bread

386
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,893
without tearing it
into little pieces first.

387
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,496
Don't try it.
I was a Navy seal.

388
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,830
You think you're tough?

389
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,965
I lived in a refrigerator box
for a month.

390
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,434
With no top.

391
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,170
Not the box.
Me.

392
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,971
(Lily)
Max, Caroline, get in here!

393
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,208
Hey! See we were invited.

394
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:24,177
'Cause we're "a" list.

395
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:27,580
The toilet is clogged and i need
you to take care of it, please.

396
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:33,986
"A list" as in "a" janitor list.

397
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,322
I don't know what to do.

398
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,190
Can one of you call
the concierge?

399
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:39,392
Sure. Caroline!

400
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,361
Wait, wait, wait...
You didn't just call us

401
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:42,505
down here 'cause the toilet's
clogged, did you?

402
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:43,496
No.

403
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:44,797
Okay, good.

404
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,566
The kitchen sink
is backed up, too.

405
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:48,401
But, toilet, i got this.

406
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,237
I was almost born in one.

407
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:53,072
Excuse me, excuse me,
excuse me, excuse me.

408
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:55,275
All right, everyone just calm
down.

409
00:17:55,308 --> 00:18:00,347
No need to overreact.

410
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:05,852
And there's the pool
we mentioned in our ad.

411
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:06,886
Oh, boy.

412
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:09,922
Yup, we got some floaters.

413
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,200
Caroline, I'm gonna need
the plunger

414
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:13,160
and a lobotomy.

415
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,295
This happens with vintage
toilets.

416
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:17,964
Part of their old-world charm.

417
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:21,301
We got some charm
stuck on your loofah.

418
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:22,602
Hey guys, remember last night

419
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:23,779
how we just bit into that bread

420
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:27,674
without chewing it?
Good times.

421
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:31,478
I need that damn plunger,
i don't want to die this way.

422
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:35,282
Got it,
but it's caught on something.

423
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,150
[Grunts]

424
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:39,852
[Screaming]

425
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:46,092
What kind of a dump is this?

426
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:49,061
Hey! You wanted the williamsburg
experience, this is it!

427
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,606
Good news, Martha.
I have your flat iron

428
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,209
looking pretty much
back to normal.

429
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:06,145
Oh, that's good.
Keep it.

430
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:10,183
Again, sorry about your cashmere
sweaters in here.

431
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,851
But when we ran out
of paper towels,

432
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:15,988
you did scream, "just use
anything, make it stop."

433
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:18,558
And of course, we'll pay
to have them all dry cleaned.

434
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,961
Oh, that's nice.
Keep them.

435
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,996
Okay, we can leave.

436
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:27,300
I am off the phone
with my therapist.

437
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,312
And it goes without saying,
we won't charge you guys

438
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:30,503
for this weekend.

439
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,572
No way.
Here.

440
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:35,975
You are taking this check
and my therapist's phone number.

441
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,177
I do not know how you are
standing up without him.

442
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,313
What? Come on,
this is nothing.

443
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:43,916
One month, the floor actually
opened up and swallowed us.

444
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,852
Yeah, we've been through worse.

445
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,621
Oh, it's really cool the way
you two support each other.

446
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:52,425
Yup, we're a pair
of support hose.

447
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:54,994
And speaking of support...

448
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,028
Here, Max.

449
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:57,797
No way!

450
00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:00,300
Look, Caroline,
it's a bra-nanza!

451
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:05,605
And, Caroline, since you don't
really need to wear a bra...

452
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,407
Here.
This apartment may be hell,

453
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,109
but you are a real angel.

454
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,612
Aw, my own wings?

455
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,114
Thank you, guys.

456
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,016
Hey, can i ask you something?

457
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:21,321
As long as it doesn't have
anything to do with rats.

458
00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:22,965
How come you didn't invite us
to the party?

459
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,791
What? I thought Martha did.

460
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,693
I thought Lily did.

461
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,028
(Both)
Model moment!

462
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,501
Pick-up, Caroline!

463
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,640
Yup, i always knew
you would die here.

464
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:49,148
Pick-up, Max!

465
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:51,384
Looking good, Max.

466
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:53,228
After you drop that,
have Caroline come back here

467
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:56,188
and lock me in the walk-in
till Sophie gets home.

468
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:58,691
Max, i just realized we're kind
of the supermodels

469
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:00,560
of waitressing.

470
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,805
And i just realized my boobs
aren't always supposed to hit

471
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,097
my side.